Hard Love

“Would you like to come to the playground for a picnic with the kids?”

It seems like a simple enough question to answer. Normally, people wouldn’t weigh the pros and cons of taking a simple trip to the playground. Normally, you wouldn’t have to calculate how far away the nearest restroom is and if you think you could make it when you inevitably have to run there. Normally, a mother could take her children to the playground without worrying she’ll literally crap her pants while she’s there.

It seems so silly, that saying no to a trip to the playground that your children have played on a thousand times would take such an emotional toll on someone. But for me, it breaks my heart. The idea that my children have to spend even one minute not doing something they’d enjoy because of this disease makes me angry and sad.

I have been begging God to give me peace about this upcoming surgery. I have been anxious and obsessive and praying non stop. I’ve been convicted about having so much anxiety as the Lord has told me not to worry for He is for me, and yet I still do. I’ve been asking Him to change my spirit and my attitude about what’s to come and it seems He has answered. I have been so sick with abdominal pain and waves of nausea that I am counting down the days in anticipation of November 7th when this ball and chain will be removed from my body and I will be free.

See, sometimes, just like us parents, God gives us hard love. He changes our perspective in ways we didn’t anticipate or necessarily want, but He changes it none the less. I am thankful. Tired, but thankful that He has found a way to change my spirit.



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