Since I last wrote, I have brought myself to a better headspace. I made a decision to focus on the “pro” side of the t-chart. I have become obsessed with preparing myself both mentally and physically. I’ve been organizing my house, catching up on projects, and researching everything there is to know about the j-Pouch surgery. I’ve been watching YouTube videos of fellow j-Pouchers and their experiences and have made an extensive list of things I need to purchase for my new body.
I am still nervous of course. There are so many unknowns and what ifs, but I believe this is the right choice. The reality is, the medications I’ve been on the past 15 years are dangerous. It’s easy to forget that fact sometimes because I’ve never experienced the scarier side effects like brain infections and cancer, but the truth is the risks are still there. The pain I endure on a daily basis is also something I’m looking forward to parting with eventually, not to mention my extremely high risk of colon cancer.
I realized, I owe it to myself, my husband, and my kids to at least make an attempt to better my quality of life. It’s funny because many people in my life don’t even realize the extent of my illness. I do such a great job of hiding it that when they hear I’m having my colon removed they are absolutely shocked. If the only knew the reality that I live in every day.
So, today I’m choosing the bright side. I am putting my faith in God, in my family, and in my body.